My yoga journey and what yoga means to me...

"From a shattered heart to a fresh new start."

I originally wrote this essay in 2015 when I was applying for my 200-hour teacher training at Empowered Yoga in Wilmington, DE. I’m publishing it now to share the story of how yoga found me and profoundly transformed my life.

At first, I struggled to articulate what yoga truly means to me. Its value and importance to me reside deep within a sacred place in my heart and soul.

During high school, I stayed committed to fitness through swimming, diving and lifting weights at the YMCA. I knew the importance of stretching muscles, so I occasionally took yoga classes at various gyms. However, it wasn’t until my ex-husband brought me to my first heated yoga class that I became hooked. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. There was a physical gratification that no amount of cardio or lifting could ever give me, but there was also a deeper spiritual connection. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, but I wanted to keep coming back to find out.

[Last summer], I went through the most difficult time period in my life going through a divorce. I truly felt like my life had ended with the dissolution of my marriage. After my divorce, I hated myself and was fearful about how I would continue my life alone after such a devastating occurrence. I felt ashamed that my marriage had failed, felt extreme sadness about losing my best friend, and anger towards him for what had happened.

In the aftermath of my divorce, yoga was one of 2 things (along with Crossfit) that kept me sane, grounded, and has allowed me to “be with myself”. For so long I had been telling myself “I am fine, just keep going” and “get over it and move on with your life”. But I needed my time on the mat to heal me, to heal my heart and to rediscover love. Through my yoga journey, I have found a voice for myself, tapped into my inner strength and beauty and discovered a place within me to love and care for myself. These insights have carried over into my practice intentions, and "loving myself" has become the intention that arises most often.

Yoga has become such an important, special and sacred part of my life. Many of my friends and family members question my commitment to waking up at 5 AM and driving 20 minutes to practice 3x/week. My response is always the same: “I do it because I love it and it makes me feel good.” Sometimes, I envision myself as a wilted, dead weed before my yoga practice and after practice, I view myself as a thriving, beautiful flower nourished by sunshine and water. Nothing else in my life has ever made me feel that way before. My yoga practice has spilled over into my daily life: I meditate daily, I list what I’m grateful for in my journal and I constantly strive to be more mindful. 

Yoga helped me bend rather than break during a crucial period in my life. 

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Through my yoga teachers, I learned the importance of setting intentions in practice, and soon, I began applying this wisdom to my daily life as well. As part of the teacher training application process, we were asked to list our intentions for the journey ahead. Two of mine were:

1. To share my personal yoga journey and love of yoga with others and hear more from others about what yoga means to them. 

2. To touch others’ lives through yoga the way that my teachers have touched mine. 

Nearly 10 years later, these intentions still ring true. I initially entered yoga teacher training to deepen my practice, with no plans of teaching, but this practice has so deeply transformed my life that I am now called to share it with others.